I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Never joke about your clitoris.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
