We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
