We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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