I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
