Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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