I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize