i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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