hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
