how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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