What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
