I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
