Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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