Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
