Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
They took my balls.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
