Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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