Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize