Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
