He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
