My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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