My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
