I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
