I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
