oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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