i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
