it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
