My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
