five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
