I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize