you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
