the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
