I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
