He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
