is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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