Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
