the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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