and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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