I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
