pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
