does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize