tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
