He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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