i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
