Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
