Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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