Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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