Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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