Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
