im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
