So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize