Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
