I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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