I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize