well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
