So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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