Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
COCAINE IS GR8
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
