let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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