Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize