Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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