apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
