she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
