I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
