I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
