So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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