I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
