my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
