Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
