I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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