Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What did we do last night that was yellow?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
