I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Porn is love you can see.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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