they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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