There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
