put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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