Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize