I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
